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All London friendships based entirely on geographical convenience.



PEOPLE in London are prepared to be friends with absolute wankers if they live down the road and it does not take well over an hour on public transport to visit them, it has emerged.
Londoners say even the most insufferable bastards can be tolerated if it does not mean spending a tenner just to get to their house and having to listen to several shitty buskers on the way.

Office worker Nikki Hollis said: “Lots of my friends already live in London so when I moved here I thought it would be one long cosmopolitan brunch with endless mimosas on the South Bank.

“But it turns out London is ridiculously fucking massive and we all live at opposite ends of it. To be honest, my house is actually in Kent and I could probably get to Paris quicker than I can get to my mate’s house in Enfield.
“So the people I now count as ‘friends’ are the annoying woman who’s always on my commute, the bloke next door who tries to engage me in his mentally unwell racist conversations, and my cat.
“Would I move? No way. London’s brilliant, even though it steals all my money, makes me lonely and I don’t even technically live in it.”

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