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•I'll just get the messy one out of the way. Guns. Our estimations of you don't rely on your gun ownership, but actually the opposite. You'd still be cool without them.

•Adverts in between the end of a TV show and the credits. Just adverts in general, really.

•Food portions. Bloody hell, it's just out of order. I remember coming back from America and eating salad for two weeks. I heard that way back when, German immigrant miners would ask for giant, beefy portions of food to prep them for the constant, arduous drill of hard-labour. After that, it became the norm and now giant burgers and the rest of it are consumed willy-nilly because I suppose bigger is better.

•Tipping. Over here, we'll tip a restaurant and maybe a taxi driver when hammered, but that's about it. Americans, on the other hand, would probably tip a cash machine.

•The drinking age. It's 21 in the States. Why do you hate young people?

•Flag bikini. It's nice, don't get me wrong. I'd dread to see the state of someone wearing a Union Jack swimsuit in the UK.

•Gaps in cubicle doors. You guys just love perverts or something?

•Pretending you don't have a class system.

•Massive suburban streets. This isn't really a problem and just makes sense, I guess. I'm just jealous. Your front gardens are bigger than our streets.

•American spelling.

•Black Friday. What? That's not a holiday, that's just shopping.

•Thanksgiving. Again, this is just jealousy. Bit OTT to us but maybe that's the appeal.

•Not to be "that guy" but American Football. The name is a straight up nab and you know it. Plus, it's played primarily with your hands.

•Baseball. Makes cricket look like bullfighting.

•Dropping out of school. Maybe it's an old thing, but I've heard of so many famous people who quit high school cold turkey. Isn't that illegal? Or they spend forever in school, yet they're the dumbest people on the planet.

•Adverts for prescription medication. My favourite ad was for an anti-depressant that listed depression as one of its side effects. I actually had to hit the rewind button on the remote just to check I didn't imagine it.

•Reality TV.

•So much empty space. I know you'll love your landscapes and your national parks but in Arizona, for example, there are just stretches of absolute fuck-all. Build some sub-states.

•Donald Trump. Lol, what the hell all that about, guys? Seriously.

•Far too cheesy. I don't just think this because cynicism is so intrinsic to Britons, but Christ - I've gone into some Hollywood films stoicism-intact and come out with Camembert frothing from my eyes.

•Refillable drinks. You get that over here, too, and I ain't complaining. Still, it's a bit odd.

•Not using your holidays. Only just heard about this one. Guys take a break.

•"I know, right?"

•Pretending the Superbowl is remotely more exciting than the worst group stage at a World Cup.

•The way they call everything the wrong name, tap/faucet, pavement/sidewalk, bonnet/hood, boot/trunk, cupboard/closet. if you're going to speak English, learn it correctly.

•You also forgot every American believes everyone from England lives in London, and when you try to tell them otherwise, well it falls upon death ears.

•When Americans say they spell and pronounce words correctly if it wasn't for England they wouldn't know how to speak English in the first place.

•Believing that all British people know the Queen. 

•No baked beans!!! 

•Jaywalking!

•The ice cream is fantastic.

•Judging distance is difficult when planning road trips. Have to remember that you can fit England inside North Carolina.

•Pick-up trucks are the size of tanks on wheels.

•Everyone needs health insurance, otherwise, you’re screwed.

•People work until they’re 70!

•Domestic beer upsets your stomach.

•There is aisle upon aisle of soda brands in the supermarket.

•People chat to each other when using public transport.

•Public transport is fairly non-existent.

•Travelling by train is actually comfortable, but takes forever to get to your destination.

•Most people who work in airport security, are miserable human beings.

•Cops don’t have a sense of humour.

•Rarely does anyone use their turn signal (indicator)

•There’s typically a service for everything. San Francisco has marijuana delivery to your door.

•College sports are as popular ( if not more) than professional sports.

•The working class is considered middle class.

•There’s no metric system.

•People seem to be either really fit and work-out, or are extremely overweight.

•There are joggers.

•Young people vape.

•Sagging is a fashion statement.

•There are more churches and banks in towns and cities, than schools.

•There are so many different religious denominations.

•You can’t buy beer before 1 pm on Sunday.

•Saying "I could care less" when you actually mean you couldn't care less!

•A fag is not a cigarette.

•People are scared to drink tap water.

•Shopping malls, strip malls and retail chains are everywhere.

•Gas is petrol, not a fart.

•Stores are shops and some stay open 24 hours. 

•Americans are generous and neighbourly...especially in times of natural disasters. 

•Everyone loves a British accent. You can get showered with free stuff and have meals and drinks paid for just because of your British accent. 

Don't take this to heart, my American readership, which I know is out there. It's just banter.

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