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An American’s Observations About England



An American’s Observations About England. 

100 things I learned visiting England.
The pensioner made the following during his fourth visit to the UK. 

•Almost everyone is very polite
•The food is generally outstanding
•There are no guns
•There are too many narrow stairs
•Everything is just a little bit different
•The pubs close too early
•Pubs are not bars, they are community living rooms
•You’d better like peas, potatoes and sausage
•Refrigerators and washing machines are very small
•Everything is generally older, smaller and shorter
•There are very well-behaved dogs everywhere
•People don’t seem to be afraid of their neighbours or the government
•Their paper money makes sense, the coins don’t
•Everyone has a washing machine but driers are rare
•The reason they drive on the left is because all their cars are built backwards
•Hot and cold water taps (faucets). Remember them?
•Pants are called “trousers”, underwear are “pants” and sweaters are “jumpers”
•The bathroom light is a string hanging from the ceiling
•“Fanny” is a naughty word, as is “shag”
•The signs are well designed with beautiful typography and written in full sentences with proper grammar
•There’s no dress code
•Doors close by themselves, but they don’t always open
•They eat with the forks upside down in their left hand
•English are as crazy about their gardens as Americans are about cars
•They don’t seem to use face cloths or napkins, or maybe they’re less messy than we are
•The wall outlets all have switches, some don’t do anything
•There are hardly any cops or police cars
•There are 5,000-year-old rocks still standing around. No one is sure why
•When you do see police they seem to be in male and female pairs and often smiling
•Black people are just people: they didn’t quite do slavery here unless you were Irish
•Everything comes with chips, which are French fries. You put vinegar on them
•Cookies are “biscuits” and potato chips are “crisps”
•HP sauce is better than catsup
•Obama is considered a hero, Bush is considered an idiot. Trump frightens them
•After fish and chips, curry is the most popular food, with chips
•There are still small shops
•The water controls in showers require training and detailed instructions
•Folks don’t always lock their bikes
•It’s completely normal to see people dressing different and speaking different languages
•Modern electronic devices work fine with just a plug adapter
•Nearly everyone is better educated than we are
•If someone buys you a drink you must do the same
•There are no guns
•Look right, walk left. You’re welcome
•It’s not that hard to eat with the fork in your left hand after a little practice. If you don’t, everyone knows you’re an American
•Many of the roads are the size of our sidewalks
•There’s no AC
•Instead of turning the heat up, you put on a jumper
•Gas is “petrol”, it costs about $7 a gallon and is sold by the liter
•If you speed on a motorway, you get a ticket, always
•You don’t have to tip, usually
•Scotland, Wales, Ireland and Cornwall really are different countries, despite what anyone else says
•Almost everyone has a passport, only 14% of Americans do
•You pay the price marked on products because the taxes (VAT) are built-in
•Walking is a national pastime
•Their TV looks and sounds much better than ours
•They took the street signs down during WWII but haven’t put them all back up yet
•Everyone enjoys a good joke
•There are no guns
•Dogs seem very well-behaved and welcome almost everywhere
•There are no window screens
•You can get on a bus and end up in Paris
•Everyone knows more about our history than we do
•Radio is still a big deal. The BBC is quite good
•The newspapers can be awful
•Everything costs the same but our money is worth less so you have to add 50% to the price to figure what you’re paying
•Everything is metric except distance which is in “miles” rather than kilometers.
•Beer comes in large, completely filled, imperial pint glasses and the closer the brewery the better the beer
•Butter and eggs aren’t refrigerated
•The beer isn’t warm, each style is served at the proper temperature
•Cider (alcoholic) is quite good
•Excess cider consumption can be very painful
•The universal greeting is “Cheers” (pronounced “cheeahz” unless you are from Cornwall, then it’s “chairz”)
•The money is easy to understand: 1-2-5-10-20-50 pence, £1 & £2 coins, and £5-£10, etc bills There are no quarters
•Their cash makes ours look like Monopoly money
•Cars don’t have bumper stickers
•Many doorknobs, buildings and tools are older than America
•By law, there are no crappy, old cars
•When the sign says something was built in 456, they didn’t lose the “1”
•BBC 4 is NPR
•Shops close at 1700 (5 pm)
•Very few people smoke, those that do usually roll their own
•You’re defined by your accent
•No one in Cornwall knows what the hell a Cornish Game Hen is
•Soccer is a religion, religion is a sport
•Europeans dress better than the English, we dress worse
•The trains generally work: a three-minute delay is “regrettable”
•Drinks don’t come with ice
•There are far fewer fat English people
•There are a lot of healthy old folks wandering around participating in life instead of hiding at home watching tv
•The beer is fantastic, but they shouldn’t make wine.
•You pay a monthly fee for the BBC instead of having commercials
•If you’re over 60 and English, you can get a free bus pass
•Displaying your political or religious affiliation is considered very bad taste
•Every pub seems to have a pet drunk
•Their healthcare works, but they still bitch about it
•Cake is one of their major food groups
•The coffee is mediocre but their tea is wonderful
•There are still no guns
•Towel warmers!
•Cheers
________

He forgot to mention
* the weather- daily conversation 
* the understanding of the rules of cricket
* you can't say from "up north or" down south" without putting on an accent.
* people who go on Jeremy Kyle are called "chavs"
* we all haven't meet the queen
* we don't miss out the 'u' in our spelling ie 'colour' etc
* depending on what area you are from you either say "duck, hun, love, chick and mate"
The list is endless.

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